What are you up too?

[February 2, 2014 @ 6.25p]

I have to make the decision to either leave him or... something. The past week there has been no signs of any love left from him and yet I'm the one to be supporting him... It's gotta end and I have to end it. This is a style of writing called Freestyle. I was taught this in high school in about the tenth grade. I was able to vent so much I was able to release safe endorphines to relieve me of any pain and anger I had. I should start that again. I don't see anything else better I can do. I already have cut myself over 40 times in the past day or two... I'm not looking for any pitty or remorse from anyone so please don't give any if you plan to just bitch at me and hate on me. I have so much anger in my right  now. Im just glad I was able to release my 8 years of anger and depression before I met him, but now I don't even feel like he is the one for me at all.. I  know what I may be writing now may not make any sense, but for me I feel a little better inside to be able to tell "someone" how I feel. Even though right now I am not really writing anything.

Anyways in the past few days I feel like I'm not wanted around or loved by my fiance. Usually he would be "Hi, Babe", 'Love you" or even just come kiss me before I leave to work and or come home, but now even when I call its just "Hey". "Whats up", "What do you need?". or even better for the day that the Seattle Sea Hawks and Denver Broncos are playing its only " You know you're calling me while I'm in the start or middle of the game right?". I come home with wings and some beer so we all can have fun, but its more like.. I don't even know how to explain it right now. I feel so hurt that I really thought of getting a gun and shooting myself in the head... but unfortunately he sold his hand gun. I feel more pain each day and jealousy I'm not sure if I want to come home anymore...

I'm just currently sitting in the dark on the site writing away some of my feelings and blasting music in my ear to just regulate my heart and tears.

I just.. I don't even know what to do.....

- Angel N. (Albuquerque, New Mexico @ HOME)

[Oct 24, 2013 @ 10.26p]

Yeah, just got home from some grocery shopping and.. yeah. I swear everyday I am made to feel like everything is my fault by the people surrounding me. Because we don't have a second car, why can't we get something as butter, I want something sweet to eat, why don't we have anything we "need", I want this-I want that, etc.

Im sick of the one im gonna be with the rest of my life to be making me feel like I don't do enough in any way. I haven't had a day in mind where I was able to fully relax by myself and not have to worry about a single thing. Yet everyday since I decided to move out from of my family's house I am constantly worried about bills, income, getting a second car, fixing up the current car, fixing the place we live in now, trying to finish school withgood grades, food, paying off my card and NOW your's to for things that we shouldn't have been having to pay off on, things for you, making sure you're happy, but yet nothing I do seems to be enough. You ask why I get stressed out so much and rather be away from the house.It's because it lets me breath and for a moment think that I don't have any bills or worries to care about.

I had enough. I'm glad i'm saving money on the side for myself, because I deserve a bit of spoiling to myself. I have not been able to get myself anything for almost a year to at least keep myself happy and a bit of stress free. Yet here I'm having to worry to get you this and that and yet have bigger worries to worry about so we don't end up on the street.

These days I can't even simply go to the gym to workout and get myself where I want to be as a person mentally and physically. No simply things at home is enough,

I barely have even $5 bucks left after all the bills are paid for the month and plus rent for the next to just go take myself out for some frozen yogurt. And that is depressing. Life isn't worth living if you can't enjoy the simplest of things with little or no stress.

- Angel N. ( Albuquerque, NM @ Home)

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By: Best Health Magazines

Many of us forget that sometimes, the simplest answers are the best. Better health could be as easy as reaching for the fruit bowl for some apples next time you need a snack

What makes apples so great?

In 2004, USDA scientists investigated over 100 foods to measure their antioxidant concentration per serving size. Two apples—Red Delicious and Granny Smith—ranked 12th and 13th respectively. Antioxidants are disease-fighting compounds. Scientists believe these compounds help prevent and repair oxidation damage that happens during normal cell activity. Apples are also full of a fibre called pectin—a medium-sized apple contains about 4 grams of fibre. Pectin is classed as a soluble, fermentable and viscous fibre, a combination that gives it a huge list of health benefits.

1. Get whiter, healthier teeth

An apple won’t replace your toothbrush, but biting and chewing an apple stimulates the production of saliva in your mouth, reducing tooth decay by lowering the levels of bacteria.

2. Avoid Alzheimer’s

A new study performed on mice shows that drinking apple juice could keep Alzheimer’s away and fight the effects of aging on the brain. Mice in the study that were fed an apple-enhanced diet showed higher levels of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine and did better in maze tests than those on a regular diet.

3. Protect against Parkinson’s

Research has shown that people who eat fruits and other high-fibre foods gain a certain amount of protection against Parkinson’s, a disease characterized by a breakdown of the brain’s dopamine-producing nerve cells. Scientists have linked this to the free radical-fighting power of the antioxidants contained therein.

4. Curb all sorts of cancers

Scientists from the American Association for Cancer Research, among others, agree that the consumption of flavonol-rich apples could help reduce your risk of developing pancreatic cancer by up to 23 per cent. Researchers at Cornell University have identified several compounds—triterpenoids—in apple peel that have potent anti-growth activities against cancer cells in the liver, colon and breast. Their earlier research found that extracts from whole apples can reduce the number and size of mammary tumours in rats. Meanwhile, the National Cancer Institute in the U.S. has recommended a high fibre intake to reduce the risk of colorectal cancer.

5. Decrease your risk of diabetes

Women who eat at least one apple a day are 28 percent less likely to develop type 2 diabetes than those who don’t eat apples. Apples are loaded with soluble fibre, the key to blunting blood sugar swings.

6. Reduce cholesterol

The soluble fibre found in apples binds with fats in the intestine, which translates into lower cholesterol levels and a healthier you.

7. Get a healthier heart

An extensive body of research has linked high soluble fibre intake with a slower buildup of cholesterol-rich plaque in your arteries. The phenolic compound found in apple skins also prevents the cholesterol that gets into your system from solidifying on your artery walls. When plaque builds inside your arteries, it reduces blood flow to your heart, leading to coronary artery disease.

8. Prevent gallstones

Gallstones form when there’s too much cholesterol in your bile for it to remain as a liquid, so it solidifies. They are particularly prevalent in the obese. To prevent gallstones, doctors recommend a diet high in fibre to help you control your weight and cholesterol levels.

9. Beat diarrhea and constipation

Whether you can’t go to the bathroom or you just can’t stop, fibre found in apples can help. Fibre can either pull water out of your colon to keep things moving along when you’re backed up, or absorb excess water from your stool to slow your bowels down.

10. Neutralize irritable bowel syndrome

Irritable bowel syndrome is characterized by constipation, diarrhea, and abdominal pain and bloating. To control these symptoms doctors recommend staying away from dairy and fatty foods while including a high intake of fibre in your diet.

11. Avert hemorrhoids

Hemorrhoids are a swollen vein in the anal canal and while not life threatening, these veins can be very painful. They are caused by too much pressure in the pelvic and rectal areas. Part and parcel with controlling constipation, fibre can prevent you from straining too much when going to the bathroom and thereby help alleviate hemorrhoids.

12. Control your weight

Many health problems are associated with being overweight, among them heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and sleep apnea. To manage your weight and improve your overall health, doctors recommend a diet rich in fibre. Foods high in fibre will fill you up without costing you too many calories.

13. Detoxify your liver

We’re constantly consuming toxins, whether it is from drinks or food, and your liver is responsible for clearing these toxins out of your body. Many doctors are skeptical of fad detox diets, saying they have the potential to do more harm than good. Luckily, one of the best—and easiest—things you can eat to help detoxify your liver is fruits—like apples.

14. Boost your immune system

Red apples contain an antioxidant called quercetin. Recent studies have found that quercetin can help boost and fortify your immune system, especially when you're stressed out.

15. Prevent cataracts

Though past studies have been divided on the issue, recent long-term studies suggest that people who have a diet rich in fruits that contain antioxidants—like apples—are 10 to 15 per cent less likely to develop cataracts.

Work Cited

"15 Health Benefits of Eating Apples | Nutrition | Eat Well | Best Health." 15 Health Benefits of Eating Apples | Nutrition | Eat Well | Best Health.   

                    Best Health Magazine, n.d. Web. 14 Oct. 2013. <http://www.besthealthmag.ca/eat-well/nutrition/15-health-benefits-of-eating-

                    apples>.